The VEGETABLE
by DarkJadedRose
Summary: Everyone tries to help Rogue out of her latest personality...crude humor...May be offensive to some...Lot's of OOC


_**Just another stupid one shot**_

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Ororo sighed as she and the others waited in the danger room for their daily sessions. She could already see Logan pacing back and forth. The other students had begun to grow agitated as they worried about any extra sessions Logan would punish them with. They waited around five minutes more before Ororo threw her hands up in the air.

"I am going to go upstairs," Ororo said and left the room. Her white hair was flowing behind her as she left the basement and pressed the button on the elevator. She unzipped the top of her tight leather suit and made her way to the second floor of the mansion. She walked down the long hallway.

"Rogue…" she called out. Nothing but silence answered. She walked over towards the end of the hall. She took a left and saw large cherry oak doors. She knocked on it but there was no answer. Slowly she opened the door.

"Rogue…" she called out yet again but still no answer. She walked into the room and looked at the bed. It was neatly made and the door to the shower was opened and the water was running, she must've been about to take a shower. "Rogue!"

Ororo walked into the bathroom and looked about; there was no one in sight. She turned around, mildly upset and found a foot sticking out from behind the door she had just come in. Slowly she made her way to the door, afraid of what she might see. She pulled the door back and there on the floor was Rogue, drool and all.

"ROGUE!" She screamed.

Logan ran in and picked her up in his arms, her green eyes wide and staring into nothingness. He ran down to the med lab while Ororo went over to the professor's office to wheel him over to the med lab. Scott, Jean, Kurt and Kitty followed them down and watched from a distance as Hank began to check her out.

He took an otoscope and looked into her ears to check if there was anything stuck inside of the canal. Finding nothing he looked into her eyes with an ophthalmoscope and moved the little light but unfortunately her eyes just stared into space. He shook his head and looked at the rest of the crew.

"I'm afraid that she's gone," said Hank and looked at her almost lifeless body. The professor wheeled over and took her hand, he could barely feel her pulse.

"Is her heart beating correctly?" Asked the professor.

Dr. McCoy took out a stethoscope and put the ear pieces in his ear and the other end on her neck. He moved around but the pulse was too faint to know if it beat correctly.

"I can't tell," said Hank. "I'll just have to hook her up to the EKG." Xavier scoffed.

"I cannot wait for an EKG, I need to know if she is okay now," said the professor. He put his fingers to his head and called out for her. _Rogue…Rogue…Can you hear me?_ He didn't hear any reply. _Rogue…Rogue can you hear me? _He looked at the others and sighed. "She is not responding; I will have to try extreme measures."

The Professor reached out and started to massage one of her breasts. _Rogue…Rogue…Can you hear me? Can you hear me Rogue? Rogue can you feel me touch you…Oh yes Rogue. You can feel me touch you….Do you like it Rogue? Do you like it? Ahhh, I like it Rogue. Yes, yes it's turning me on as well. Ooooh Rogue, oh yes…I'm coming Rogue, I'm coming!_

"Uh…professor," Jean began. The professor then threw up his hands and looked at Jean angrily.

"Jean! How could you! I was finally reaching it…her. I almost got in contact with her. You have now officially killed her. You are a murderer! MURDERER!"

Jean looked about as the other X Men glared at her.

"I…I didn't ruin anything. She wasn't responding!" Jean cried out but everyone just gave her menacing looks.

"Listen Jean," the Professor began. "Do not be mad just because you have no friends!"

Jean sadly left the room and everyone just shook their heads at each other.

"She's so needy of attention," Scott said and everyone agreed. Logan left quietly to comfort the young red head…in more ways then one.

"So, back to Rogue," The professor said. "I think you should all leave the room, I have much work to do."

Everyone left the room, including Hank and they were not allowed to return until ten minutes later when the professor called them back. They all returned to find Rogue on her belly with her poor paper dress half way open and the professor sweaty on his wheelchair, his legs twisted about under him.

"Professor," Kurt said. "You must be in tevible pain! How did you do it?"

"Well, first I had to take one of those toilet seat covers to ensure that I would not get killed. Then I had to use my hands to climb on to the bed because…let's face it…I can't walk. I climbed on top of her and had to use my hands to lift my body up and then go slack just to be able to get it in. So then I…" The Professor then looked at the confused mutants and remembered what he had been supposed to do. "I read her mind and couldn't find anything."

The others came and helped him sit correctly before they began to put Rogue in a more comfortable position, lying on her back.

"So professor…um, what did you, like, get out of her?" Kitty asked. The professor shook his head.

"Not much for now Kitty, it was very tricky being that I am crippled and she cannot touch. Oh you meant about the reading her mind issue…nothing."

"What are we to do Professor?" Ororo asked. The professor shook his head and began to wheel away.

"Nothing for now…I will return later on to continue her treatments," he said and began to wheel away. Everyone left except for Scott who was to turn off the light. He looked about and snuck back in. He slowly made his way over to her and lifted the little paper dress. "Scott?"

"I'm coming Professor," Scott covered Rogue with a blanket and left the room.

The young mutants were all in Scott's room discussing what had happened. They tried to figure out what might have caused Rogue to wander into a realm of nothingness. Jean knocked on the door and made her way in much to the other's dismay.

"Listen Jean," Scott said. "We've made it pretty clear that we want you to stay away from us."

"Yes Jean," Kurt agreed. "If you don't understand vhat Scott said, let me make it a little clearer for you." Kurt bit his lower lip and crossed his eyes while holding his three fingers in an awkward position and banging his chest. "A doi doi!"

Jean shook her head and came into the room anyway.

"I know why Rogue is acting like this," Jean said and held out her hand. The mutants opened their mouths wide and Kitty fainted at the sight of what was in her hands.

The adults and younger X Men sat in the professor's office staring at the tomato before them. Ororo leaned into Logan's shoulder while he attempted to comfort Jean who was trying to stay as far away from him as possible. The Professor shook his head and stared at the dried up image before him. The skin was white as well as its leaves.

"Rogue…has now become…a vegetable," The Professor declared. "Apparently she wanted to eat this….vegetable….and she took it to her room. Forgetting about the fact that she has deadly skin disease or a 'mutation' as she likes to put it, she touched it with her bare hands and therefore killed the vegetable and sucked it's whole pathetic life into her body, causing her to now believe that she herself is a vegetable."

"But professor…"

"What now Jean?"

"Well…it's not a vegetable, it's a fruit…" she said, thinking maybe that it would help out better. The Professor sighed and wondered why he asked Jean to join the X Men…oh yes, world domination. One day she would become the phoenix and then…

"Professor, what do we do with Rogue?" Ororo asked. He held his hands together and looked out the window at the beautiful sky.

"We must continue to treat Rogue as we have always treated her…as an inanimate object," he said and everyone nodded their heads, except for Jean.

"Rogue is a person! She's a human being! We should help her so that she can feel again!" Jean said, everyone ignored her as they left the room, ready to use Rogue as best as they could. She was going to be, as always, a complete part of their team.

The next day began like a normal day. Everyone was at the table having breakfast before they were off to school.

"So professor, how are your eggs?" Ororo asked. The professor sadly looked at his pants.

"I continue to spill a little yolk on my white pants! At least part of my hand covers it but I do not think I can bear anymore stains…" He said sadly. Kitty walked over and picked up Rogue by the shoulder before draping her across the Professor's lap. "Why thank you Kitty."

Kitty went back to finish her breakfast and they all hopped into Scott's car to go to school. Except for Jean who would have to go with Logan.

"It's ok Logan, I can take the bus," she insisted but Logan shook his head with a smile.

"No…no Jean, I'll take ya ta school. There's too many bad men out there," he then moved closer to her ear. "We wouldn't want anyone ta take advantage of you."

Jean nodded her head and quickly ran into the van; she just wanted to get to school as fast as she could.

The students went through school as fast as they could before going back home. Kitty ran into the house completely drenched. She was freezing from the sudden pouring rain that occurred. Her long hair was wet and dripping down her face while Jean came in right behind her, probably more soaked due to her need to run to the institute so as to avoid another ride from Logan.

Ororo ran downstairs and looked at Kitty. Feeling sorry for her she took Rogue out of the dryer and draped her across Kitty's shoulders. Immediately Kitty felt warm and she felt the moisture be sucked off of her skin. Jean shivered as well and Ororo smiled at her.

"Logan! Jean is here and it seems that she needs something to be draped over her. Can you get her a hand towel or some paper napkins please?" Ororo left the room and went to make kitty some soup. Logan ran down the stairs and immediately took off his shirt.

"Here Red," Logan said. Jean thankfully reached out for the soft plaid shirt but Logan got closer to her and began to twirl her hair about his finger. "No Jean…not the shirt."

Jean moved slowly away and made her way to her room. She knew that there was something ridiculously wrong here. There had to be a way to save Rogue, all they needed was to give her something that would bring her back to life. She went downstairs to the med lab to check out Rogue and see how she was doing.

She walked down the stairs and knocked hard on the door. There was no answer. She tried to turn the knob but it was locked. She knocked harder on the door and heard a scuffle.

"Hold on a sec…" said a mumbled voice.

"Scott?" Jean called out.

"Hold on a sec!" He yelled. A few minutes later he opened the door and kept walking. Jean walked in to find Rogue sitting awkwardly on the chair, one leg twisted behind her neck.

"Wonder what happened?" Jean asked and lay Rogue back on her bed. Jean sat there and held Rogue's gloved hand. She didn't hear Scott mumble as he went to the professor's office.

"Professor…" He began. "We need to end this now…" The Professor nodded his head fervently, reading his thoughts. Things were becoming too complicated, they didn't think they could hold it much longer.

"I will gather the others and we will end this charade!"

The X men suited up including Xavier who was changed from his normal wheelchair to his Hovercraft. And they walked or hovered….over to the med lab where Jean still held Rogues hand. They walked into the room and Jean stood up quickly.

"Is there something wrong?" She asked. "Should I suit up?"

"No Jean. We are going to do something we should have done long ago," the Professor replied.

Storm then flew up as high as she could…about two inches above the floor…and her eyes went white. She caused the sky to turn gray and foggy. Then Kitty ran over to Jean and phased away all her clothes off. Kurt then teleported over to Rogue and took off her clothes. Scott held his hand to his glasses and blasted off her shoes. Xavier then hovered over next to Jean…and did nothing because he has no powers but reading minds, and that was irrelevant to the situation. Logan popped out his claws and rubbed his nipples.

"Now!" Xavier shouted. Scott pushed Jean on top of Rogue and suddenly there was a lot of lightening and flashy things going on before Jean just lay atop of Rogue, lifeless.

"I'll dispose of the body," Logan said and dragged it to his room.

They all waited until Logan left and waited to see what Rogue would do. She opened up her eyes and looked about the room. The professor gave her a wink and Scott's suit started to look kind of bulgy. Kitty was smiling at her and Kurt was waiting to greet his sister.

"Why did you do that for?" Rogue yelled. But the voice was not Rogues and in fact Rogue had become Jean, leaving the preferred vegetable creation behind.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The professor cried out and in a desperate attempt to commit suicide, threw himself off of the hovercraft but instead of dying, he became a paraplegic…

And they lived with Jean's mind for the rest of their lives, and Logan was never heard of again…or he was heard in his bedroom…rather loudly…just not seen…


End file.
